He Loves Me, Please Love Me Not

This simple little narrative expresses one of 50 reasons why I kind of struggle with a fear of the male species. I personally think it’s pretty important to have friends of the opposite sex in your life to keep you grounded and offer different perspectives. Especially right now as I embark on my journey of vulnerability I feel like it’s pretty important for me to be open to people of all sorts. But also I’m hella scared of men so that’s sometimes rough. Already I’ve noticed a lot of my relationships growing deeper, including those with male friends and already I feel like some of the awkward things I’m most afraid of have already begun. The deeper your relationships grow, the higher the risks for pain potential grow. I’ve been trying to prepare myself but I know that true hurt can’t be fully prepared for. In my attempt to embrace awkward and messy things, of course, I had to write about it. On a lighter and more shallow note I also just think it’s a really funny dichotomy when you like someone and they don’t like you versus when someone likes you but you don’t like them. This narrative is pretty much just that– my reactions when I have a crush on someone compared to my reaction to someone who has a crush on me. Hopefully someone in this world can relate to these silly thoughts. If not, then I guess I’m just that much stranger and that’s okay too.
I see him, he’s coming,
OH MY GOSH— does my hair look okay?

I see him, he’s coming,
Okay, play it cool. I hope I don’t look too attractive right now.

We’re talking, we’re talking,

Wow! What a GREAT conversation. We could probably talk forever…
Soul Mates.

We’re talking, we’re talking

What a good friend. I’m glad we can have such edifying conversations.
Oof. Don’t make TOO much eye contact.
He’s smiling. He’s smiling.
He’s laughing at my jokes. That’s just a friend smile, right? And he’s laughing cuz I’m actually funny, not because he’s in love with me… right?
I promise I’m not that funny.
Okay. Tone it down buddy.

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, PLEASE LOVE ME!!!

He loves me, please love me not, he loves me, please love me not, oh my gosh I hate myself he definitely loves me.

Excuse me? *Coughs up water and shoots some from nose* Oh it’s fine. I just thought you said you needed to talk to me about something deep and then confessed your love for Sally Mae. HAHAHAHAHA.
You did?
Oh. Good.

Excuse me? *Coughs up water and shoots some from nose* Oh it’s fine. I just thought you tried to grab my hand. LOL wouldn’t that be funny?

Oh?! You and Sally Mae are dating now? …Congratulations… I hope you last forever and have a great relationship based on faith, trust, and SO MUCH PIXIE DUST. This is just so good!


Oh?! Your dream girl looks basically just like me?? *Nervous laughter* Well, ya know, I have a very generic look. I’m sure there’s another tan girl with brown hair and brown eyes somewhere who’s just eagerly awaiting to hold your precious little heart…

You wwwWHAT?! You and Sally Mae are engaged? Wow! That was fast.
Oh you’re married now?
Oh you got a dog?
Oh you had a baby?
Well…con-freaking-gratulations. That’s just so good.

You wwwWHAT?! You love me so much that you know we’re so meant to be together because God has determined us for one another and you could never love anyone else?!?!?!?!?!?!?
What’s the nicest way to tell you that I love you as a FRIEND but if you don’t shut up with all this gushiness soon, I will get on the next flight to Jamaica, without crushing your mini muffin heart?

And Just Like That, Being Alone Never Felt So Good.
The End.

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