I am afraid of you

I am afraid of you because you don’t have to do much to have power over me.

A power that is strong

A power like no other

I didn’t have to know you long

Your opinion mattered more than my own mother.

 

I am afraid of you for many different reasons.

Will you leave me like the leaves leave with the changing of the seasons?

I thought you were summer but I realized you were fall

And I fell into the little lie that told me we could have it all.

 

But “we” do not exist.

“We” never will

I am just the brown bag on the airplane

To comfort you when you’re ill.

 

“Ill” is the way you described me, when we first met.

In fact, you told me I was the “Illest”

But sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t a bet.

I am afraid of you… And I do not want to be.

People slap my back

and tell me that

It’s irrational to be afraid of a whole species.

 

It’s not the entire group though,

It’s really just the half.

Humankind isn’t my problem

It’s just the “man” kind that makes me react.

 

I am afraid of you.

Each and every one.

And I’m praying that God will help me.

Because someday I might have a son.

 

And what do I say to him when I’m crying myself to sleep

What do I say to him, when it is him who is making me weep?

 

“I’m afraid of you and the things that you’ll do,

And it haunts me the most at night.

And I know that you wouldn’t hurt me

But I’m always afraid that you might.”

 

???

 

And what do I say when a girl breaks his heart

But I want to take her side

Because my own heart is filled with bitterness,

And I can’t let go of my pride…

 

I’m praying to God and he’ll help me

Because perfect love casts out fear.

But in the meantime, I am afraid of you.

So I will remain invisibly here.

 

Afraid.

 

 

 

 

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