A poem about a test that (I thought) I failed a while ago. This test was very significant for me because it stirred something up in me in a way that not many things have before. It made my anxiety and struggle with perfectionism very real to me because I haven’t had a breakdown in a public setting like that ever– at least not that I can remember. Sometimes failure is a great opportunity to learn more about ourselves.
Who knew I’d be tested like that on the test I took that day?
I sure didn’t, to say the least. Yes, that’s the least you could say.
I never imagined I’d be crying, 19 years old as the last one in the room
Because I’m obsessing over the fact that I have no idea what to do.
Seriously, I shed tears. And I struggled to hide them away from the professor
It was in that moment of helplessness, that I recognized that I’m an obsessor.
And I’m getting overwhelmed– oh yes, yep it’s an attack–
And anxiety swoops in on me. It swoops in just like that.
And all of a sudden I can’t even finish and I don’t know what to do.
I wonder what my grade is. I’ll have to see it through.
I’ll cringe when I receive it,
but I’m still hoping that I’ll also receive some grace?
Cuz I need it.
And right now I’m kind of wondering which test this is even about
The Philosophy test or the test of life? I think I might have figured it out.
Maybe this painful event will be for me a story,
One that portrays the greater Test and shows how I might bring Him glory.
I can’t say I know everything, or really much about anything at all
But I can say with confidence that I will be tested, and He’ll always catch me when I fall.