To anyone who’s a little messy sometimes–
Life man. It’s fricking crazy.
From getting up in the morning to natural disaters,
tests and work, and then you think about getting your masters…
There are people dying left and right, and, still, the world, it spins.
And here I am, trying to love and love and love and I’m told that “love always wins.”
But today it doesn’t feel this way.
Today I am overwhelmed.
I want Ben Carson to win the election.
I wish I were with Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, in a film.
I wish my outfit would match, but this is what I decided to wear.
I want to write a blog post about something that matters, but my brain is just not there.
I’m trying to impact that world, and yet the world, it just grows bigger.
I sing all day long but can someone explain to me why I’m still not a very good singer?!?!?!?
Which church should be my home? How am I making a difference?
I wish I could find just one person who thinks like I do.
Sometimes I fear that I can’t handle this…
There is so much to think about and sometimes it all hits me at once.
Today I think I’d take a ticket that says “One way train back to Kindergarten!”
And I’d gladly sit in the corner with a cap that says “Dunce.”
On days when the ways of the world seem like but a dream
I inquire of the Lord to show me a new thing
And he looks at me and he sees right through my heart
and today he said some things that I wish I had known from the start.
“And God?” I wanted to inquire, “How do I do the things you say to me?
I, I want to do your will, but I’m scared that if I try to,
People won’t understand, they just think that I’m crazy.
I’m trying to understand in a world where I feel so misunderstood.
I’m trying to write away my sorrows, thinking that if I’m honest enough, I could.
And what about this spiritual maturity thing? Eh? I’m growing I’m growing I’m growing…
But if the people around me aren’t growing too, then I’m afraid that these relationships are slowing
Because more and more it seems to me that we’re consistently on a different page.
So what? Tell me. LOUD AND CLEAR and RIGHT NOW, please, because it feels like I’m floating in the vacuum of space.
And the best ways I know how to express myself are through dancing and through poetry.
But most people don’t even like poetry anymore! So still, I’m all alone, and it’s lonely.
Seriously, God, it’s true! And you know it too! 60% less people will read this one.
Because if the words on the lines seemingly begin to rhyme but there’s no music then they’re like “Oops! Gotta run!”
For some reason (that I quite frankly don’t understand) people are more likely to read my lengthy jargon.
Even if, in fact, what I write is more or less crap like an item on ebay that’s not even worth the bargain.
Honestly, it’s okay.
Today’s just one of those days.
And those days just come from time to time.
And I’m not really mad or even that upset, I just wish you could physically sit beside me tonight.
For reasons I can’t explain
There’s this pain inside my brain
And it’s probably that thing they call “learning,”
But every once and a while it travels to my spirit too and I give it a new name called, “yearning.”
And I will wait for you
Because I know you’ve waited on me too.
Today, I’m waiting for you draw closer.
I know it’s slightly apalling that I’d ask for more when you’ve given so much
But before I go to bed, I want closure.
So I write this poem and I seek you, God.
And all of a sudden I feel very content.
And I know it’s you and I know it’s true and I’m thankful for the peace that you’ve sent.
Goodnight dear Jesus,
I love you so much.
Also, please don’t let Trump be our president.
Thank you for the good soup in the caf today
and for keeping my family safe
Help me not to give up in striving for a higher precedent.
Help my friend with the health problems
And the one overseas.
Thank you for being with my friend in school
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Obviously I’m getting tired
And my prayers are getting random
But thanks for letting me rant to you
These prayers are like planes, coming in for the night and I think it’s safe to say, I should land ’em.”
Man, it’s the good life.